Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
