It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
