It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
