After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
