The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
