i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
