she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
