i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
