I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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