oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
