They should really pass out barf bags in church
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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