I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
