My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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