We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
