He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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