apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
