I accidentally burped into my bong.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
