i need an iv and a liver transplant
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
