I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
