Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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