i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
