If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
