Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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