call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
