my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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