There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
why is half of my head shaved?
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