Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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