If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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