i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
