fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
