Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
