my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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