I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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