Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As shirtless as possible
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
