smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
