Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
