I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize