ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
