Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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