She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
