honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
