my phone needs a breathalizer
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
