Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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