hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
