I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
