just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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