i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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