her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
