Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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