if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
