he puts the penis in happiness.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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