The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
