just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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