How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
