I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
