Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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