from now on my penis is your penis
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
