If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
