is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
