So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You smell like stripper and shame
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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