he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
