in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
