Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
