I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
