She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
