So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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