Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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