dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
