You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
