tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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