remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
