I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
